I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
