don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize