are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
