Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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