Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
