I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im six kinds of drunk right now
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
