Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
