I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
