Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
