You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
