Your dad touched me again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
