I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
