she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize