I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
