If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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