boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
