grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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