Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
