Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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