Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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