Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
