i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
