yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
they need to just BURY HIM!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
