I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
