That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
