Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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