Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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