So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
