I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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