I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
