Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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