There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
