There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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