Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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