Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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