Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
