Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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