i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
