So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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