i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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