I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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