girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I FOUND THE LEGS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
