Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
