yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
