spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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