i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
