Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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