Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
