hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
