Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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