I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
