george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
