I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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