We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
