Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
