I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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