i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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