i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
