you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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