i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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