she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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