had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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