We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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