i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
