If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
