Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
