Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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