dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
