Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
