i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
