At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
