get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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