How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
