We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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