Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize