I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
