my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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